It’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep on top of things. I have a lot of stories worth writing (including my recent 12 day stint in a mental hospital) but nothing can fight through the miasmic pain inhabiting my body and brain. It’s hard to understand. An illness shouldn’t be able to infect your personality and change who you are – we are meant to regard disabled people as no different than able people aren’t we? But who I am is (was) based on hard work and indefatigable spirit and the general ability to come up laughing no matter what life threw my way.
Maybe it’s because things used to change. Experience has taught me that the pain will not go away, maybe that has set my brain into a stagnation that didn’t previously exist. Maybe I’m simply worn out – when nothing changes, there is no rest from it.
Everything is a struggle, even replying to a text.
Why do we keep blogs? I’m reaching out into darkness.
